Silence

AT A GLANCE:

Silence is another simple, but very useful tool for creating mental space – at an individual or group level – conducive to a number of ends. In most social situations silence is uncommon and uncomfortable. We are usually much happier talking about inanities than just saying nothing. But silence, for its brute simplicity, is effective in getting us out of those everyday roles we play for others, in slowing down the actions and reactions in our minds, in getting us closer to the bedrock of our true thoughts and genuine values. Daily interaction – be it at work, at a meeting, having coffee with someone – can be likened to a pool that is constantly having rocks thrown in. The ripples and waves on the surface make it difficult, if not impossible, to see what’s at the bottom. Once we stop throwing in rocks, our view is much improved.

LOGISTICS:

Any meeting, any time (as long as the community builder thinks the person or group is open to it).

PROCESS:

Silence can be used in community building in a number of different ways. Here are three common ones:

• Starting a meeting (group practice)

Whenever we sit down with someone, start a meeting, or begin a new event we are creating a new social space, a new constellation of people and place that has its own characteristics and possibilities. We rarely acknowledge this fact, and to our own detriment. Finding time for even a minute of silence at or near the beginning of any kind of meeting is very effective way of “entering” that social space, recognizing its existence, and being as fully present for the event as possible.

• Gathering intention (individual practice)

Community builders spend lots of time meeting and talking with people – building relationships is their main task. The breadth of their meetings means that they will often be confronted with more or less comfortable, easier and harder situations. And throughout all of these interactions we recognize the importance of maintaining a state of mind directed towards to health and vibrancy of the community as a whole. In preparing for difficult meetings and situations it can be very useful for the community builder to take a few minutes of silence – in their office, in the car, in the bathroom – to gather their intention toward that community and put the meeting in perspective. Those few minutes of silence can then serve as a wonderful kind of mental inertia to keep an even keel.

• Making important decisions (group or individual practice)

In organizational and community contexts decisions can often involve a dizzying number of factors: facts and figures, arguments and counterarguments, prognoses and intuitions, feelings and history, and so on. Even after honest and open discussion one can be left with a mess of forces pulling in different directions. It’s not easy to separate the wheat from the chaff. One method of accomplishing this is to first hear every factor and then disengage the conscious, rational mind through silence. Taking a few minutes of silence once all the factors have been put on the table and letting the unconscious mind sort out the most important factors, sense which choice feels most right, can be very effective. It’s not clear how or why this works, but often it clearly does.